This past week was a really tough one for me. I haven’t experienced this type of stress in many many years. And well….it brought up a lot of emotion and contemplation for me.
It got me thinking about what does it mean to truly and unconditionally love someone? More importantly, what does it mean to me?
So, I started with Webster’s definition:
1. an intense feeling of deep affection.
“babies fill parents with feelings of love”
2. a great interest and pleasure in something.
“his love for football
feel a deep romantic or sexual attachment to (someone).
“do you love me?”
After looking up what Webster had to say on the subject, I decided that the kind of love I want to talk about is the 1st noun definition: “an intense feeling of deep affection.”
Then I started to think about what does that really mean? I believe it is open to interpretation and this is my take on it.
When a loved one is sick, ill, injured, hurt, depressed, or sad, any of those low vibrational emotions, can have the side effect to physically make the person feel exhausted, overwhelmed, stressed, short with someone else, defeated or even angry.
For the soul who witnesses this, for instance, say I witness this in someone, if I am feeling unconditional love for that person, my truest form of expression of unconditional love is to move everything in my life to be there for that person.
It’s like something takes over in me and I just know how to do it without reservation and without hesitation. I find myself empowered to make decisions, really use my voice to speak up about my intuitive opinion on what is happening. I am confident in trusting my gut instincts; accessing the situation; voicing firm decisions and can speak up about what I need for support to those around me so I can better serve the subject that is suffering from the crisis they are experiencing.
This is the first time I have ever made the time to really look at this process and put it into words. I found it fascinating how I handle it and how those around me handle it.
What happens for me is, I have mastered taking care of someone else.
I have no problem putting my own needs aside to be there in the need of someone else.
I now understand, not everyone else does this.
But I don’t understand…….why not?
Is it because we are taught it (I call it unconditional love) when we were growing up?
Was it witnessed by us when we were growing up?
Is in innate for some and not for others?
I believe it is all the above.
Now I am trying to understand it so as I am in my zone of hyper-focused unconditional love and supporting someone when I ask for support and I get a silent no by someone just going on with their life and being too busy to help out, I am asking myself the next layer………why is that? How can someone be (in my opinion) so self-centered that they disregard my requests?
My mind starts spinning.
‘Don’t they love me? Why aren’t they there for me the way I am there for the person in the crisis? I am not asking them to step in and roll up their sleeves and deal with the person experiencing the crisis, I am asking them to support me as I am supporting the injured or sick one. Why can’t they?
And in my mind, that has equated to “ oh…they don’t really love me, only when it is convenient for them.’
Spending time with yourself and really looking at the stories we tell ourselves, is healing.
I know my mind’s reasoning is not true.
It’s not about me.
I’ve had enough therapy and read enough books and attended enough workshops and lectures to understand that it is about the other person.
I have done the work. I love myself so much, that I know way deep down in every fiber of my being, that I have mastered unconditional love so well…..that sometimes I will alone.
Instead of feeling hurt, I have learned to take a moment and compile my response, and instead of having a reaction and lashing out about how they can’t be what I request, I take a few deep breaths and I keep asking someone else then someone else then someone else….. All the silent no’s or ‘too busy’ or whatever actions they do….I just keep asking because I know there are others in this world who are like me, I can’t be the only one. I just can’t. I keep searching…..because I now love myself unconditionally and unapologetically for my strengths and gifts.
As we continue to move out of this decade and into the next, I hope you continue to learn about who you really are, what your strengths and gifts are and instead of taking on the shame of being in your strengths when you stand up in them, brush it off and continue to be your authentic self with no shame and no embarrassment, just empowered and unconditionally loved by yourself.
This world needs more unapologetic, empowered, unconditionally loved souls walking it, and making changes for the better tomorrow for all of us.